Reeling once more

T has decided the adoption process likes to confound us. There we were happy we had a link and expecting a late Oct/early Nov panel date. That was until today when in Conwy. T tried to answer a call from our SW but failed - she left a message asking him to ring back which he did promptly.

Our son's SW wants panel on 30th Sept and Intros to start a week later as his FC is going away for a week from 26th Oct and they feel respite to Intros would not be a good thing - could we mange this. Cue two people on Conwy harbour front hurriedly phoning work while on holiday. Fine for me - T has the complication of Eid-al-Adha which is predicted to be around 15th Oct. One cannot get pharmacist locums where we live around either Eid. Cue call back to our SW who understood this and went away to talk to her manager and also medical advisor as the short notice might mean going to panel without meeting her.

We wandered round the Castle at Conwy and then down to Bodnant Gardens. Driving back through Snowdonia at a point we actually had signal, we got an email from our SW telling us she had spoken to her stand-in manager (annual leave for actual manager) who felt we could manage without T for 3 days during second week of Intros and she had also got us a medical advisor appointment the week before proposed panel. We then went looking for phone signal around foot of Snowdon - ended up in car park in Llanberis. Promptly spoke to our SW again as she phoned following up on email to check about FC meeting times. Then T forwarded email to his line manager and company boss, following up by speaking to line manager directly. Meanwhile I finally told my mother (issues with her spreading too many details round family so is kept a bit out of loop) that we had a link and the timescale. Phoned Dad (he is away for work) before sending emails to three people at work who needed to know.

Given work a fine conundrum to solve - I was teaching 2 modules in 6 weeks - now I am not with under 3 weeks to go before term starts. The decision to go with new timescale is absolutely right as we do not want our son disrupted as much as respite could do. Ok have around 4 1/2 weeks to do stuff we thought we had 9 weeks+ to deal with but we will get there. What happens happens for a reason and this match just feels so right to us.


 

Reflections on today

Well I have finally found time to blog again although it isn't going to be a long one. I hate Clearing...... Well actually I don't it just takes a lot out of me and involves me working 8 days solid - finally got some time off today. Shall see how we are doing when I go in on Tuesday - it's been tough again this year but we were getting there as of yesterday.

Anyway enough of my work life - time to talk about what this blog is supposedly about. We had the meeting with our potential link's SW today. In fact as T put it later we had SWs in our house today for the longest time thus far in the process as ours arrived at 1.15 and left at 4.45. She came early to discuss the child's SW questions with us before she arrived at 2.30 - which we both felt was valuable. Also finally managed to show her the fence round the patio which was partially her suggestion in the first place. It is now partially painted so doesn't quite look like it does below.

The pre-discussion made the subsequent 2 hr discussion go a lot easier. Not going to talk much about the questions as a lot were pertinent to our potential links story - and it is his story. Did talk a bit about his age and why we were not dead set on having a very young baby (honest answer - ever since I started thinking about adoption as a single mother 11 years+ ago for some reason I always envisaged a toddler). We also discussed a fair amount about attachment and we would foster the breaking of current attachment to foster carer and making attachment to us. Also got to here a bit more of his background and talk about contact (which is a bit of a minefield in this case).

His SW assured us he is still developing at the right pace and is a lovely little boy. He is well attached to his FC, and seemed to cope ok with his respite placements. Indeed apparently every FC he spends some time with wants to keep him. After it was all done and his SW left ours said she felt we had presented ourselves really well and answered the questions as she expected. Just got to wait with everything crossed till next week. Hopefully we should know on Tuesday after his SW has spoken to her manager. Then we should get some photos of him which means we can start talking a little to our families about him - well ok my sister & brother-in-law know a fair bit but they are adopters themselves.

I am feeling more positive than I did before - this does feel like the right match for us so just got to hope his SW agrees.

Meeting date

Well we have a date for meeting with our SW and the SW of the prospective link we hav. Not till 3 weeks to or row (23rd Aug)  by we have it :) Family finder for the boy has been talking to his SW as well as our SW. As it happens FF is the SW who did our initial visit and recommended us to go forward. She is friends from uni with some of our friends (T decided later he did remember her vaguely as we discovered this towards end of first visit) so as T says not only do we blame them for us but now for our potential son as well. She apparently approached our SW about this boy some months back and we would probably have heard about him sooner if it wasn't for my wobble at start of June due to losing Ricki & Grandma within a few days of each other.

Anyway we are getting more paperwork about the boy soon so should get a much better idea about him on paper anyway. Just hoping his SW likes us and our house as I am starting to feel a real connection. Looking good for our preferred panel date (end of October) at moment as our SW said 2 months from initial meeting. Just means I have 6 weeks of teaching to do....well it will keep me busy anyway:)

Excited & nervous....

Following last night's meeting with our SW we have the CPR for a little boy who we both have had a gut reaction of 'he's the one' to. Little older than I hoped for...but only by a few months, but he just feels right so we are taking it forward to gain more information. So we have a potential link - before we are approved adopters :) We were round with my sister and brother-in-law last night (who are experienced adopters) after SW left to discuss things through. Got a lot of useful tips from them and also warning that attachment beyond 24 months can be more difficult which I sort of knew already from my reading around.

I have had this week off (still got far too much holiday to use) as we originally planned to - spent a lot of it catching up on sleep - my version of end-of-termitis. Yes ok the students finished back before Spring Bank (at end of May) but I have been busy until graduation last week. Indeed am still busy - got bits an pieces of work I really should have done this week but decided week off not thinking about work would be good for me.

Reeling again

And not for the first time during the process (back loaded some of my blogs from private blog covering the process thus far).....

We saw our SW on Wednesday to discuss our PAR - only a few factual changes to make as we both felt it was a good reflection of us. Although T did say seeing everything written down that we had been through with my health and his job fun since we got together makes him realise quite how much there was. The reassuring thing for me in report was that medical advisor just commented that my ongoing (well-managed) chronic conditions would need discussing through the home study. Our SW commented that I had never had to cancel due to ill-heath and had seemed pretty good throughout the period - which to be honest is true. The last 18 months or so I have felt so much better - many less migraines which I can see from the lack of sick days on my planner at work. Ok had a bit of a blip recently thanks to a very bad hayfever season - but the nasal douching my doctor suggested has made a real difference to me in that I am no longer living with a  low grade permanent sinus headache. This does make a difference to my migraines as well as the build up could trigger them at this time of the year. At least roses (my favourite flower) do not give me any issues - given the number in our front garden at moment.